Tag Archives: Jesus

Faith, Forgiveness, God, Presence, Thoughts, Uncategorized

.:I Choose:.

The other day as I was driving to work, I remember feeling uneasy…I had every reason to show up angry and upset or even crying while thinking, “will this ever end?” Certain personal situations had been happening and things had escalated the night before that it felt overwhelming as I drove to work. I decided to switch my thoughts to positive and flush the toxic ones. I remember telling myself “This situation does not determine how you will feel today, you are in control of your emotions”. I started to pray over what was going on, declaring that things were going to be OK, I prayed for the people involved and declared peace in their hearts. One of them called me crying, about 10 minutes before we both started work. We both shared our frustration, but I had to remind her that we can’t change people and that no matter what…God is still good and working things out. I reminded her that we have to trust Him and not worry, and we have to align our hearts with His and show unconditional Love… as much as we both wanted to be bitter and hurt with this person.I was able to make it to work knowing that God was taking care of what I couldn’t control, I chose to have a good day.. to be happy and joyful because I refuse to ALLOW negative situations to determine how I will feel or choose what mood I will be in. I choose Joy and Love. Any day! I don’t want to be someone who allows situations to take over my day or decide what mood I will be in. I don’t want to be someone who thinks and thinks and thinks and worries and stress’s over things… when there is no benefit attached to that. I’ve already been that person, and life SUCKS that way. Plus, Romans 8:28 tells us that God works EVERYTHING out for the good… that alone should put all worry at ease.

Reminder: Unconditional Love transforms lives and situations… so does trusting God and praying

-Martha Inez
Prayer:
God, so many things are out of our control… what we can control is how we respond to things. Lord I pray that we would be people who know how to respond to things…in love and not anger. I pray that in the midst of chaos in our lives, we know how to remain in peace because you are the anchor… you’re all we need and the re-filler of what we lack. We want your heart God…and we want to always be people who know how to maintain peace in our hearts and who know how to come to you when life seems like a raging storm. We don’t want to rely on our own strength and we don’t want to worry… we want your strength in our weakness… help us to be wise in situations that are difficult..and to always show love to those that need it most. thanks God, we love you so much. amen.

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Presence, Thoughts, Uncategorized

.:Your.Heart.Is.Revealed:.

Your heart and who you are is revealed when the toughest of times has made its way into your life. Which is why I LOVE the story of Paul and Silas in prison! In Acts 16:16-40 we read about these two men who were, stripped, beaten, severely flogged.. then thrown into a prison cell and feet fastened in stocks. Stop for a moment and think about what your state of mind would be. Where many would blame God, or sit and complain about what happened…in agony be questioning God and His plans…  these two men prayed to God and sang hymns. Worship was their response to what was going on, not doubt, or worry, or fear.

In the most difficult time for them, their heart was revealed by their response to a situation. Their heart’s were still for God. They decided that worshiping and singing hymns to Him in that moment…was the best way to handle what was going on, it was necessary and the first thing they could think of. How many of you would be able to respond with prayer and worship after having the worst scenario thrown at you? Because of what they did, BOOM! Ground shook and the all the doors flew open and all the chains were broken off them and the other prisoners. How amazing that God would use the heart and worship of someone else to set others free. No matter what you face, Don’t allow anything to take away your love for God…and your worship!  You have no idea how powerful it truly is. Your story can bring freedom, your worship can break chains, your prayers are powerful that heaven invades! Never doubt the power of God in your life and what He can do in your situations. No matter how messy you think it is, He can still move in your circumstance and work a miracle. Believe.

Prayer:
God you are incredible, you are able to turn around our situations… you are able to take a mess bring healing and freedom. We pray that you would invade our hearts, and cause our heart to always to love you NO MATTER WHAT WE FACE. In our happiest and in hardest of times… be the center, be the joy and strength of our heart! amen! [Psalm 73:26]

-Martha Inez

 

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.You’re Faithful.

“You’re faithful through every season”...
During worship on Wednesday, this one line kept repeating over and over in my mind… and I couldn’t help but cry. I began to think back to all of the different seasons in my life… the really good ones and the extremely hard ones… through some of my happiest moments or heartbreaking moments… God has been faithful. There have been so many different seasons in my life but the one that stuck out to me the most… was this past year and how very difficult  it was for me… I cried a lot. No really, A LOT. My heart hurt and many times I just pushed the pain aside and tried not to focus on it, instead of giving it over to God. Well that wasn’t very smart was it? Because it didn’t fix anything, it prolonged the healing process. Eventually, after being sick of still crying over the same issue, I ended up giving it over to God, and almost DAILY! I think I the only reason I kept pushing it aside, was because I didn’t want to appear like I didn’t have things together. I didn’t want to look like I was an emotional mess, I wanted to believe I was strong and able to handle this with no problem. It was obvious to those around me, that I wasn’t OK, when you’re not able to be yourself… it’s obvious there’s something wrong. When you try and handle things in your own strength, you’re bound to stay in a pit. Friend, get out of the pit… call for help, there are helping hands ready to pull you out!

I’m so glad I have friends in my life that have always checked up on me, that have encouraged me and prayed for me and with me. And how amazing is our God that He is always there through it all!! He was comforting me, pouring out love and peace and bringing the most incredible people in my life that knew how to call the Gold out in me…when all I felt I had was some measly rocks and pebbles… He used others to be my iron  that sharpens iron and show me that there was far more in me than I realized.

I think it’s REALLY IMPORTANT to surround yourself with men and woman of God. Especially when you’re in times of difficulty and struggle. That is a time to be closer to God and those who can help you, that’s not a time to run and hide. Don’t try and hide your “junk” or “mess”… its OK to be messy and not have it all together. We’ve all been there!! Be open and honest with those close in your life and the ones that you know can provide words of wisdom that will help pull you out of a pit. And never forget, that no matter what season you’re in… GOD IS FAITHFUL. Always.

He isn’t intimidated by our junk, or scared to touch it. He’s an expert at healing, mending, restoring, etc. Whatever season you find yourself in right now… remember He is there, His love never fails and His love will carry you through it all. Whether the season is your best or worst 🙂 He is faithful in EVERY season.

Martha.Inez

Prayer:
God, thank you that no matter what we face… no matter what season we’re in… You’re there. You’re Faithful. You’re comforting and pouring out your love and peace. You’re constantly reminding us of how loved we are and you’re bringing the right people in our lives that know how to call out the Gold and help us walk out our destiny and calling. Thank you God, for never giving up on us… we love you SO MUCH! Help us to never be ashamed when we’re in a rut, but to learn to call out for help to those you have put in our lives to be our iron that sharpens iron. amen. 

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Thoughts, Uncategorized

.Be.Happy.

Being happy is a choice. It’s changing your mind on how you see things, for example, seeing an opportunity in a problem or the positive in a negative situation. How we feel about a matter, comes from how we perceive it.

The other day I was speaking with a friend of mine who will be moving back home, she was feeling discouraged with herself and sad. She pointed out all the negative things she was seeing in her situation and most of those were in her mind. Things like, “what will people think of me”.. “I feel like a failure almost”.. “I’m going back with less money than I came with”… as she shared different things she was feeling I said, “Look at the amazing friends you have made though… and your walk with God totally grew!” I reminded her that though she was going back home with less money, that it wasn’t as important when compared to what she’s going back with spiritually. She has had an incredible few months here! She’s made great connections, built amazing friendships, she found a church she can call home when she visits, she’s had God encounters that have left her in awe of Him. After she realized this, she was happy!

It’s all in how we view what is going on. You can choose to see the light in the dark or choose to be scared in the dark.

Last month I was super sad and nearly depressed for not being married with kids yet (side note: It’s not a “loneliness” issue, I’ve never struggled with that, Praise God!) … turning 29 next month was scaring me! (OK it wasn’t just last month..it’s been awhile) This month, after talking with the most incredible people God has put in my life and asking God to reveal things to me that I’m not seeing, I’ve realized a lot of things I wasn’t noticing!

Now, I’m SO HAPPY with my life and where God has me. I really don’t care about being single, in fact, I’ve challenged myself to be the happiest single I know! which hasn’t really been a challenge at all now, weird. There’s a lot this past year that I’ve allowed to affect my emotions, not just the single part, its been many different stuff. My heart is at complete peace right now 🙂 There are certain things I’m not worried about anymore, such as, where my life is going, what I’ll end up doing after this job, when I will be married, am I going to live in SJ forever etc. I trust that God is going to open the right doors, guide me where I should go, provide whatever I need.. the list goes on.  I’m just not placing worry and fear in those things anymore, but rather… placing trust and excitement there instead.

I encourage anyone who is full of fear or worry, to spend time with God and ask him to reveal things to you that you haven’t looked at.. I’m praying that your perspective on things changes… and that you are able to feel peace and joy in your heart by giving Him all the things that have been bombarding your mind and putting weight on you. Take the weight off and give Him the load.
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” -1 Peter 5:7
“For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:30

I hope this helped some of you. and I hope you can truly Be.Happy. Remind yourself of how GOOD God is… He’s never forgotten about you, He’s faithful!

Prayer:
God I pray for those who are feeling overwhelmed with life, who are feeling anxiety, heavy, a weight on their shoulders, worried, scared, fearful etc. And I pray that you would consume them with your peace and pour out your love on their hearts. I pray that you would reveal to them something they haven’t noticed about their situation, help them to see the light in the dark, to be strong and confident in knowing that you are taking care of them. I declare peace over all of those who are feeling chaos in their hearts, and comfort to those who are feeling alone. God, give them all a big hug and remind them of how much you are madly in love with them. amen.

-Martha Inez-

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Presence, Thoughts, Uncategorized

.LET.GO.ALREADY.

Remember that one time [OK, those several times!] When you told God “I trust you! Here, take this!!”… “This” being: a situation, a bad habit, a relationship/friendship, etc. Whatever it was for you, you knew it wasn’t good for you and though you said to Him “Here, take this!” … you still held on to it like a rope, with a tight grip 😉 I mean, this thing wasn’t going very far from your reach since you held held on to it with a mighty passion! Do you FULLY trust God to take care of you or do you not trust Him? I woke up this morning having to apologize to God for saying I trusted Him in a certain area… yet, with smile had a grip on the rope 🙂 it was easier for me to Trust Him if I knew I slightly had control. That’s not trusting God at all. That was me being confident that I could still have my way if I held on to this thing for as long as I could… though deep deep down.. I KNEW.. this just isn’t for me.

So, how about we learn to LET GO of things that we KNOW we shouldn’t be holding on to. YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT IS… today, let’s FULLY TRUST GOD and actually mean it when we say “God, I trust you… I know you will take care of me..” .. and let go of the rope.. if you have tied a knot around your wrist with it, get the scissors or a knife.. sometimes I feel like I took a rope and tied it around my whole body.. haha! or If I did let go.. I quickly ran after it as it flew away, jumped up on and started to climb right back to it. Let’s be wise with our heart ♥ and know that God has never failed us… so we needn’t have any fear or worry, He’s got our back. He will provide, He will comfort, He will make a way, He will restore, He will look after your heart 🙂 Has he ever given you a reason NOT to trust Him? He knows what’s best for us and can do some amazing things in our lives if we fully trust Him and surrender wanting to know ALL the answers.

Let’s let go together 🙂

Prayer:
God, you’re amazing… we love you and we surrender wanting all the answers or feeling like we need to know what’s going to happen next. We fully trust you, we fully let go and trust that you are going to take care of us… that you’re going to make sure our heart is save.. you have our best interest in mind… God we let go of fear, worry, doubt, and we say I TRUST YOU GOD. I LOVE YOU.
yup, amen  

-Martha Inez

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.FEAR is a monster.

Let me tell you something people… FEAR is ugly and robs you of your future and the gifts and desires inside of you. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT LET FEAR STOP YOU from ANYTHING. I know you are passionate about something, or curious about trying something, or wondering if you’d be good at such and such. [You fill in the blanks]. Stop with the “what if” and thinking of what could go wrong, cross that bridge IF you get there. Don’t feel sorry for yourself or complain about what you lack or compare yourself to someone else. Stop That! FEAR is a nasty monster and it wants you to give it power. Give fear NO PERMISSION or AUTHORITY in your life. Take control, you have been given AUTHORITY OVER FEAR. YOU have been given a spirit of POWER [2 Timothy 1:7] Remember WHO’s you are and WHO you are… you’re mighty and you know it 

Prayer:
Fear is ugly and stupid… God, help us to see that and truly KNOW it deep down in our hearts. We want to passionately go after the desires and gifts you put in our heart WITH OUT FEAR holding us back. We cut the ties to fear and bury it in the ground..never to be dug up again. Help us to stand tall and strong and confident in knowing we can and will reach our goals. Amen.

-Martha Galvan-

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Thoughts, Uncategorized

.Just DO IT.

[My FB status posted 5.10.13]

I’ve been having moments lately where I JUST DO IT! “It” is different for all of us. Most likely “It” can be taking a risk. This past month is exactly what “It” has been for me  and I just did it!! More than once, I’ve taken that leap WITHOUT thinking long and hard about it, WITHOUT consulting with myself first, because too many times when I do that I TALK MYSELF OUT OF IT! So this time I just did it!! I feel nervous now…BUT I’m not listening to the thoughts of doubt and fear, ok sometimes I do haha! Not for too long though, I flush them out of my head because I know who I am.. I know who God has created me to be.. I know what HE says of me… and His words alone… are all I need to move forward.Take the leap! Jump! Hop! Skip to it! Just DO IT!! Sometimes we’re the ones holding ourselves back from things we desire to pursue. Stop it!! A risk is no guarantee that things will work out… oh but what if it does?! If ur heart is in it… n you’ve got the passion… ??!! I just can’t say no to something for the FEAR of FAILING… I know about some people who failed a few times at something they ended up being great at. *caugh* Michael Jordan. Fear is a dream stopper… and I give fear the boot  it doesn’t have my permission to hangout in my life  I’d rather take a risk then live in fear or constantly wonder “what if”. 

**my response to someone who said: I COMPLETELY agree with you! I just wanted you to remember that taking a risk doesn’t necessarily mean success since I seem to have that delusional logic in thinking…**

aww.. you’re not delusional! its called hope. and hope is good to have. Healthy Hope! Any decision we make… I think they should be made from a healthy heart and with wisdom. If we make decisions solely off emotions, we may find ourselves standing in a place we didn’t envision for ourselves. I don’t think all impulse decisions are bad.. every case is different.. but I do think if you’r going to “Just do it” and take a risk.. then monitoring your heart and knowing where you are mentally and emotionally is wise. They go hand in hand. Healthy mind and healthy heart. Wisdom is so important. my recent risks weren’t done without having considered my hearts health and where my heart stood in the situation. These were both decisions that I feel were for the best, one was something I’ve been passionate about for a long time.. and I KNOW I haven’t done anything in that area because of fear. the other decision was an opportunity for me to grow as a person and to help families out too… both things I really want to see in my life. So they were risks and changes I took knowing that my heart is in a good place, mentally Im in a good place.. it was a decision off impulse but definitely soaked in wisdom and knowing where I am in life to do just say yes to them  ya know? But yeah, making decisions without considering certain things in your life.. probably not the best thing to do. We’ve all been there.. done that..and learned from it

Papa God:
Help us to just do it ..and go after the things in our hearts… as simple as that 🙂

-Martha Inez-

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.Keep Loving.

[My FB status from 5.9.13]

Sometimes it’s VERY DIFFICULT to love people that keep hurting you… and sometimes those people aren’t hurting you intentionally but they have some deep rooted issues that cause them to act and think a certain way. Continue to love them and pray for them. Declare that breakthrough is coming. I know, don’t we wish it came years ago for them? Yes! But don’t give up on the ones you love… when they are at their low and worst… that’s when they need your love the most  plus, we’re not perfect either… we all need some more work and growing from time to time ♥♡

Prayer:
Lord, you KNOW how difficult it is for us to LOVE people unconditionally… especially those close to our hearts. God please help us stretch out grace to them.. and to not give up on them… when they need us most.. I pray our hearts be moved to draw closer to them and not push them away. Your love casts out all fear… I pray your love would consume those close to us.. because we loved on them non-stop! amen!

-Martha Inez-

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Thoughts, Uncategorized

.Peace.

[My FB status posted: 5.6.13]

sometimes I’m not at peace… and if my heart is not at peace… my day is not looking too happy. “Let the PEACE of Christ rule in your hearts…” [Colossians 3:15] Just read this right now… and it was a reminder to me… to always allow peace to RULE my heart, not uncertainty, confusion, frustration, anger, doubt, insecurity… etc. I could keep going… I’m sure many of us can  whoopsy daisy  We often allow situations and circumstances to rule our hearts… forgetting that we can just call upon God and cast all worries off… and let the PEACE of Christ rule in our heart. Lead and love and live from a heart that IS Peace   Remember that Jesus brought peace to the storm… so don’t worry about your storm, Let Peace rule your heart  and allow God to work things out… 

Prayer:
Jesus… you ARE peace, help us remember that YOU rule our hearts.. that no circumstance or situation will ever take your place or remove peace. We choose to operate out of a peaceful heart.. a heart in love with your presence.. amen

-Martha Inez-

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Presence, Uncategorized

.Press.IN.

I was with a group of ladies the other night and we talked about a few different things. I noticed there was a theme in the different things we were sharing. One of them being this battle of the mind and our thoughts and how we so easily believe a lie from the Devil. That Jerk!

One lady shared about how she can’t feel God anymore and wonders what’s wrong with her and if the issue is her. I immediately, internally, was upset that the devil would make her believe this! oooh.. that stupid muther sucker! I hate when he implants a thought in our head and we begin to believe that God doesn’t like us because of such and such. You know?

I shared with her that it’s clearly a lie from the devil, he wants her to believe the issue is HER and that “something must be wrong with me because I can’t feel God.” I told her, PRESS IN EVEN MORE! especially when you don’t feel him.

I find that many Christians buy into that lie, that we’re so messed up that God doesn’t want to come hangout with us or something. Hey, let me tell you something… HE’S IN LOVE WITH YOU! Of course God loves being around you… BUT… how much are you willing to GO AFTER HIM?! How much more time will you give him? How hard will you pursue HIM?! He’s crazy about you, DON’T ever believe that you not feeling God is a result of something being wrong with you!

I think the issue is that many Christians just want his presence to come easy because they’re used to “feeling” him at church. It’s easy when the worship team is ON IT and ushering in The Presence is a done deal! [Good job worship team!!] It’s easy to feel God when Pastor is preaching up a storm, right? Have you ever wondered if perhaps you not feeling God… is not because God is upset with you… but maybe… He’s just curious as to how much you would really pursue Him… without a feeling? When the worship team isn’t around, when Pastor isn’t giving an amazing word, or when someone isn’t prophesying over you etc. Have you ever stopped to think… “I wonder if He just wants my heart…”

So, I ask you this, WILL YOU GO AFTER GOD WHEN NO ONE IS LOOKING?! If there is no community group or prayer meeting or worship night going on, will you pursue His heart and get in His presence still? When you can’t FEEL Him, will you PRESS IN MORE?! Or do you just rely on the feeling, the butterflies and tingly sensation to do the trick for you? God knows when we’re so desperate for Him it causes us to go after Him with everything! All because WE’RE IN LOVE and not to get anything from Him. We’re not going after the “feeling”… be reminded of why you passionately pursue Him. Your motivation should be LOVE and that alone. It’s because you’re so CRAZY IN LOVE with The Most High King… you have to get before Him… and you’ll do anything to get yourself in His presence! Especially when you can’t feel Him… because it’s not about a feeling… its just about being in love.

My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” Your face, LORD, I will seek. -Psalm 27:8

-MarthaInez

Prayer:
God we are filled with distractions all around us, 24/7! We have the internet, out smartphones, people, etc. Our attention is constantly being pulled all over… God, we want to REFOCUS our attention where it matters most.. ON YOU! Help us to seek you more.. when no one is looking, when we’re in the secret place with you, behind closed doors… that we come before you and surrender it all… that we continue to fall madly and deeply in love with YOU… just for you! not gain anything… simply because without you in our lives…we’re nothing! we love you God! we love you so much Papa God! Amen

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.UNIQUELY YOU.

Why is it that OTHERS can see the gifts inside of you and you CAN’T?! Has anyone ever called out the Gold in you and you never saw what they were talking about?! HAHA!
I find this happens to most of us, where we have had someone in our life see something in us that we didn’t see before or perhaps we did see it… BUT we just pushed it off to the side because we feel we’re incapable of being great at it OR we just can’t imagine our lives being anything using this gift… in our minds someone else is going to be great at it… but “not me.”
You know, its about time we start realizing who we are and who God has created us to be. There is SO MUCH inside of you… you were born on purpose for a purpose.  Don’t downplay your worth, don’t say you’re not giftedand talk yourself out of doing something you are passionate about.

Praying that God reveals to you the gifts He’s put in you so that you can fully walk them out and live and operate from that place ♥ I’m right there with ya! 😉
Be Reminded: YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY AMAZING AND UNIQUELY YOU! ♥

-MarthaInez

Prayer: Lord open our eyes so that we can SEE OURSELVES THE WAY YOU CREATED US and NOT the way WE THINK we are because we’re so focused on our lack of experience or our flaws. Help us to never downplay our worth, wake up passions we’ve put aside because we’re either afraid to go after them or because we feel we’re inadequate. God, you are our creator and our strength, our confidence and peace… be everything we need to push past the negative thoughts that come at us. Guide is to the right people to help us get where we desire… in Jesus name. Amen ♥

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Presence, Uncategorized

.You Were Born for The Impossible.

**Taken from BJM.ORG** This is NOT my writing, just wanted to share this with everyone**

You Were Born for the Impossible…

The reason God didn’t take you  to be with Him when you were born again is because you have the divine assignment to invade the impossible.  The reality of the Christian life is measured by the impact of the impossible.

Much of what we give God credit for can be done by the Kawanis Club.  I’m don’t mean God is not involved, I’m just saying all it is doing is tapping into human talent to accomplish what mankind can accomplish.

What satisfaction is there in human accomplishment?  There is some, but it’s not really lasting.  It’s nothing like having cancer disappear.  It’s nothing like the mother that lost the use of one arm to an accident, lost three inches of bone.  She couldn’t grasp, couldn’t raise her arm; she couldn’t pick up her two year old because of this surgery. She had five surgeries in four and a half years.  There was nothing like watching a lady pray for her and watching God add the three inches of bone adding all movement, all feeling, everything.  Then she goes to pick up her two year old and her little girl says “No mommy, broken arm” because that’s all she has heard her whole life.  To then see her say to her little girl, “No, it’s ok now.”

All the buildings I could build, all the money I could raise holds a breath to of competition to the moment of seeing that little girl held by her mother. I’ll take that over a million buildings.

And that’s who you are!  You were born into this family, the actual Spirit of the resurrected Christ took up residents in us.  He’s in us and He wants out!

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Forgiveness, Uncategorized

.Be Free.

I wonder what this world would look like if we all knew how to forgive… genuinely and whole heartily forgive those that have hurt us or ones close to us… and how differently those who forgive and were forgiven would live. It’s not easy sometimes, trust me I know, I’ve had things happen to me as a kid that I can easily question God about and hold bitterness towards these people that did these things… I’ve had friends hurt me so bad that I felt I could never forgive them. But forgiveness is freedom. Bitterness feels gross inside… and with this ONE HEART I have… I want my best to come out… I want God to have my best and people in general I come in contact with. But that only comes when I surrender my heart to God and ask him to rid it of everything and anything that isn’t good or doesn’t align with His heart. all dirt and residue gone. I want my heart to look like His. ♥

Prayer:
Papa God, we want a clean heart… like your word says “Give me a pure heart o God, and renew a steadfast spirit within” [Psalm 51:10] We pray that over our hearts God, we want them to look like yours, to reflect yours and take on the very image of yours. We want the one heart we have… to be emptied of anything negative and filled constantly and daily with more and more of you. Enlarge our capacity to love. Amen

-MarthaInez

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.In THIS Moment.

HE is everything I need… whatever I lack… HE generously gives and fills me up. When I’m in need of peace, HE pours it out on me. When my heart hurts, HE comforts and heals. When I’m in fear of what steps to take next, HE reminds me to trust Him.
God can be whatever you need Him to be in this moment… He meets you where you are. You need provision? Confidence? Peace? Love? Comfort? Breakthrough? etc….
He can do it. NOTHING is Impossible for Him. You are not a hard case that scares Him… you are His child that He LOVES. IMMENSELY.
Allow Him to love you and show you who He can be in your life.. in this moment… when you let Him and allow Him to invade…

.MarthaInez.

Prayer:
In this moment.. God.. Be my everything.

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.ONE.HEART. <3

The other night I was hanging out with two lovely ladies having some girl chat, it was great and much needed. It’s always good to just get things OUT to those we trust. It’s not ok to hold things in and have no-one to talk to, you kidding me? That can be dangerous and unhealthy. Think about it, when you have your junk going on and you’re keeping it to yourself… hangout inside your own head; you then allow negative thoughts to take you somewhere you do not want to go, you end up somewhere you don’t belong  and then find yourself spending a lot of time there and believing lies mistaking them for truths.

Anyway, so back to my story! The next day I had text my bestie something that God spoke to me YEARS AGO… that was actually speaking to me right as I was texting it out to her. I thought I should blog about it, I blogged about it before a few years back on one of my many blogs, worth writing about again though.

In 2007 I had yet another heart break, ugh! It was horrible, long story short… I was seeing this “Amazing Man of God”… just like the guy I was seeing before him[well I didn’t date for 4yrs then met this fool] we had been seeing eachother for about 3 months, I found out he was still dating his ex and me at the same time. Ok, ouch!!  However, for every hurt I find reason to give thanks… there is always something to learn from ANY situation you find yourself in., about a month after that whole thing went down I decided to head to the ONETHING conference in Sacramento where Misty Edwards was leading worship. It was my first ONETHING conference and my first time seeing Misty Edwards live! She blew my mind with how intimate her lyrics to God were. The room was filled with His Manifest presence and Love… it was thick, I found myself on the floor, on my knees, hunched over with my forehead to the floor, arms stretched out, balling my wittle brown eyes out. It was then where I gave my heart to God fully that night…and as I did that…I felt negative emotions leave my  heart… as if my heart for a moment became a cup, and all this ugly negative black stuff was being poured out and my heart was being cleaned out. It was an AMAZING LOVE ENCOUNTER I had with Papa God. Because I came to that conference completely broken… my heart hurt pretty bad… and seeing the one who hurt me there… uughhh.. stab me again! It wasn’t a good feeling, but being broken is the perfect position to be in when you’re in need of God to come and invade. So He did. And Revelation hit…it was this:

I have only ONE HEART. God has given me just one, not two…only one. Which means with this ONEHEART I worship him, live for him, speak to him and also, love others, serve others, minister to others with…etc. I live from it, act from it, love from it, think, speak,  create and do…from this one…only one heart. I felt like vomiting at the thought of harboring anything un-loving in my heart.

I felt it would be contaminating my heart to allow bitterness,anger, un- forgiveness or hate in my heart. I promised I would check my heart for unwanted emotions and I told myself to make sure that anything that is not a part of who God is and not in His heart… I would not allow to enter into mine.
I don’t have a heart that holds love and another for hate… how wonderful that would be though, to be able to have separate ones, it would make things much easier. Since that is not the case, we really do need to be careful and make sure we filter our hearts. I don’t want filth in here, from this corazon God has given me…  I live my life and love my God…he deserves pure love, and a pure heart.

We have to make sure we give those things to the Lord and no longer choose to store up and harbor emotions and thoughts that do not belong in our heart or align with who HE is, because who He is… is who we ARE. Made in his image, remember? We need to learn how to refuse to hold on to past hurt, it has no place in us… and only causes hurt to ourselves… doing more damage to our heart the longer we go on holding on to bitterness. I speak to myself too, trust me I am not speaking like I got it all together… because I don’t.

Jason Vallotton said this in his status, “If you carry bitterness and hatred around long enough, they will eventually eat you from the inside out”... ouch!! So true! I cannot allow this to happen, I cannot allow bitterness to eat me up inside… it is not fair to those around me, because the repercussions of that will not be beneficial for anyone I’m close to… those I hold dear to my heart… deserve a healthy heart to love them.

I have a lot of giving up to do… I give up on holding on to past hurt… I let go of people who hurt me… I forgive them.. I’m praying that God helps me to love them again. Because as Pastor Kris Vallotton says… “Forgiveness restores the standard”… 

It’s not easy though, for me it’s still fresh. There was a situation that happened not long ago with someone I considered a dear friend… and here I was trying to make things ok between us and she LASHES OUT at me and said the MOST HORRIBLE THINGS I have ever heard in my life… NO-ONE has ever talked to me like that, and NO-ONE should EVER be allowed to. I was BEYOND HURT, if it were possible to hear the breaking of a heart… well then I’m pretty sure mine would have been heard… it felt ugly… and I could feel every word she was saying to me… it was a stab to my heart and I couldn’t breathe… I looked around to see if anyone was watching at how ridiculous she was being, I took out my phone to record everything..but it all happened so fast and she had walked away still screaming obscenities at this point… my natural reaction was to call my boyfriend… he has a way of talking to me that calms me down… he helps me see things clear when my mind is a mess… in moments where I feel unsafe or hurt, I think of him because he holds that role in my life where God has entrusted him to create a safe place for me. He did well hearing me out and helping me figure out what I did wrong and how this situation could have been prevented… he did what any Man of God should do for his girlfriend… he listened, he gave advice, he layed hands and prayed for me.

I’ve never been so hurt in my life by a friend… not like that. I definitely have a LOT of letting go to do… it’s a process… and I thought I was ok by now.. but this past weekend I realized… I’m not… I’m still left wounded by what happened… I really need God to do some work in me… because I want to be ok and I want to Love her and forgive her…
 

All I know is… God deserves my very best… He deserves a clean and pure heart… and so do those God has placed in my life, we are called to LOVE. Something I started to say was:

“Love… and Do it UNCONDITIONALLY. Give it OUTRAGEOUSLY. Speak it RADICALLY. Be it CONTINUOUSLY. Just love… MASSIVELY.”-Martha.I.G.

If that truly is my hearts desire… well then I must give up and let go of those emotions that do not belong here.

 “If love is not your main motivation, you have no business leaving your house”– Jason Vallotton

I completely agree with this statement. If LOVE is not driving me…and is not what I put on every morning… why bother leaving my house?

The world is waiting for us to LOVE with the heart of God… they all deserve our best LOVE our best heart… our 1 heart.

Psalm 51:10

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